Friday, October 07, 2005

Location: Pennsylvania

The glories of Pennsylvania make the mind boggle. We pilgrim the state and marvel at its splendor. Our first goal was to find " Amos " the 15 ft. tall Amish man of Denver. . .No joy, the restaurant Amos advertised was sold and the behemoth relocated. Next was Linesville. "The spillway at Pymatuning Reservoir, near Linesville, PA, is famous for a freakish spectacle. It’s known as the place where the ducks walk on the fish. Carp collect at the base of the spillway at such a density that ducks can cross from one side to the other and barely touch the water. -" Oxford is the home of one of the world's largest Edsel collections. Hugh Lesley owns 172 of the magnificent machines.

Suddenly the enchantment ended. It was the wrench in the works, the gum on the shoe, the giant (keeping it PG-13) t-rd in the pipe . . .Lorileelee proclaimed "we are going to the shopping mall!" Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe, she knew what she is looking for. Maybe, we could go in , get what we need, and leave. Maybe, there is a God that could strike me with dysentery.

I sit in the middle of the mall with all the old men, too old to fight . Old warriors left to tend the fire while women forage and young scouts do brave things far away . We have no fire. We have but a water fixture gurgling like our last breath. Tater wears a yellow vest, a camouflage like those helper dogs wear - The ones that wheelchair kids sneak into all kinds of places. He stares at me with that look. The look that says, "If I had opposable thumbs, I'd beat your eyes black and steal your truck." I look at the packages surrounding my feet, pastels waft flowery scents. I raise my head and see an old man eyeballing me. "What you in for kid?" I replied, "potpourri and a baby shower gift. " He nodded knowingly and I look down at my feet ashamed.

Others in my new tribe have scavenged things to eat. One has a big pretzel with cheese stuff. Another is eating the ice-cream pellets, which look more like cottage cheese. One big guy gnaws on a sausage stick bought at the hickory barn . My mind wanders to a happier place - A place where bark busters shred sapling trees and where dirt has more flavor than a cini-mun-bun. I am alone enclosed in my helmet. I control my destiny. On my dirt bike I am the only one who can disappoint myself. There's a reason why my bike has one set of foot pegs.

I snap back to reality as she taps me on the shoulder. After all, this is the girl that I told myself I would spend my money on stupid stuff if she wanted. Besides, the guys are checking her out as we walk past the storefronts. Either that or they are watching me drag this monkey through the mall. "It's time for my prize, sweetheart. I've been waiting patiently for you, now it's time I get to grab that 36-volt cordless impact... Hey, did you hear me? Let's go to Sears... What do you mean we have to go? You can burn four hours looking for potpourri and I can't have 20 minutes at the tool shed? This is unbelievable. You're going to that coed baby shower on your own, I'll sit in the garage if I need to. Tater, we have to salvage this some how. Go fling a dump at the cell phone stand and I'll pull the fire alarm. We'll affect an inconspicuous departure amid a cavalry of ..."


At 9:04 AM, Blogger josh williams said...

To have and to hold and I agree to spend my money on stupid stuff.

At 1:53 AM, Blogger PPPMoney said...


And expensive!


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